600lb Woman Steps Outside For The First Time

Watching this video brought back memories of a past life for me.  Back when I was over 300 pounds, I could remember the pain and heart wrenching anxiety over the thought of having to leave my house.  I would spend hours looking at myself in front of a mirror, and creating every excuse in my head not to go outside.  I shifted my sleeping schedule to that of a night owl, so I could do all my errands when nobody else was awake.  I looked forward to shitty rainy and snowy days because nobody would be outside, and I could walk around outside anxiety free.  This is one of the worst effects about obesity, and probably one of the hardest hurdles to get over.

Often times, people put on weight excessively and rapidly (This is mostly regardless of calorie intake) because they feel like they need protection from the outside world, especially from people.  For me, I put on my weight once my parents moved me into a Catholic school.  I remember the transition very distinctly.  I remember that my public school was full of light and seemed very brightly lit, with vibrant colors.  I could remember feeling the light on my face, but my Catholic school was dark, grey and I felt cut off from any source of energy.  It is like going from full color to black and white in my memory bank.

Something I learned to do, as I was losing the weight, was to go back in time to a happier time or a time where my memories seemed a much brighter.  I would then make a conscience decision to live that day/hour/min with that same feeling of security and energy that I felt when my life was filled with light.  I would remember these feelings of the warmth on my face and it would help calm my anxiety down.  After several months of practicing this technique, it became second nature, and was one of the many tools I used to help me get over my social anxiety.

I hope Bonnie will find some peace and security in her life.  Because, it is clear that she has family around her who love her.

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